A small bowl of yogurt and two Lego-size pieces of toast are placed in front of us, as well as a wheatgrass shot and one of Lans Med Bitter Drops (a natural mixture of plant extracts that supports the Mercaritee- Khruangbin with midlife dec 4 2022 170 russell melbourne Australia t-shirt Be different from detoxification of the liver, bile, and stomach). We are told to chew each mouthful 40 times and not to drink anything while eating, other than the shots to aid digestion. I can almost hear my husband’s stomach growling like an angry bear. “Be patient,” I tell him. There are typically three menu stages, but my program had seven: 0, 1, 2, 2.1, 2.2, 3, and lastly—the holy grail—Active. We stare enviously at the wildly exciting addition of fruit compotes and carbs, such as quinoa and spelt, on the plates of our neighbors, who are evidently days ahead of us.After breakfast, I grab an herbal tea to quell my hunger pangs and happily skip down the mesmerizingly wide, funnel-like centralized staircase that seems suspended from the ceiling like a James Turrell installation to meet the clinic’s medical director, cardiologist Jan Stritzke, MD. Tall, jovial, and dressed in a dark blue cashmere sweater and cotton trousers, Stritzke greets me like a friend who has just arrived at a dinner party. He goes through my medical history and the results of my earlier examination, which are all generally fine but need improving. “Your cholesterol is a little elevated, as is your BMI,” he says, with a smile. “But your visceral fat is low, your muscle-to-fat ratio is optimum, and you have good kidney and liver function.” He lays out my plan, which includes personal-training sessions; Cellgym infusions—which are also referred to as “intermittent hypoxic training” and include inhaling varying altitude levels of oxygen through a specialized breathing mask to enhance energy; abdominal massages to stimulate digestion; full-body algae treatments and reflexology for relaxation; as well as an initial 48 hours of fasting. Finally, a daily Epsom salts regime is prescribed to clear out my bowel, and for my long history with depression and recently diagnosed ADHD, Stritzke suggests hypnotherapy.When I return to our room, my husband is beaming. Apparently, he is in “excellent” health. “I’ve had the detox algae treatment, too,” he tells me, describing a methodical process of being slathered in a seaweedy mud, swaddled head to toe in a heavy sheet, and then lowered into a warm bath for 25 minutes. That sounds heaven, I say. “Yes, but I started getting too hot and itchy,” he replies a little dramatically. “I wish I had said yes to the panic button!”
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